Marcela Matos
on Shame and the Fear of Compassion
Listen:
Show Notes:
Shame is normal, and we ALL experience it throughout our lives. But while it’s a transient emotion for some, it can become an incapacitating, prolonged experience for others. So, what determines whether shame will lead to problems for our well-being? And is there an antidote to internalizing our feelings of shame?
In this episode, Dr. Marcela Matos joins Kate and Alex to define shame, describing how the emotion serves an adaptive social function but can also cause us problems when it is too pervasive and shapes our identity. She explores why common shame experiences become traumatic for some people and goes on to explain how compassion, love and acceptance function as powerful antidotes to shame. Listen in for Dr. Matos’ insight on supporting individuals with traumatic shame memories and learn more about her research on the range of resistances, blocks, and fears of compassion.
Dr. Marcela Matos is a clinical psychologist and faculty research fellow at the Centre for Research in Neuropsychology and Cognitive Behavioral Intervention (CINEICC) at the University of Coimbra, in Portugal. She has done extensive training in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and developed systematic research in evolutionary clinical psychology and contextual behavioural psychological approaches (e.g., CFT). She completed her PhD on “Shame memories that shape who we are”, where she investigated how early shame experiences are structured as traumatic memories that become central to personal identity and increase vulnerability to psychopathology. She has authored more than 70 scientific papers on the topics of compassion, shame, regulation, self-criticism, psychopathology and well-being. She is the Chair of the Compassionate Mind Portugal, researcher for the Compassionate Mind Foundation, and member of the Portuguese Association for Mindfulness. Currently, her main research focus is on applying and testing the efficacy of compassion-focused group interventions in promoting mental and physical well-being in several populations, and investigating their impact on epigenetic mechanisms and physiological stress responses, and has been the lead on a global research project exploring the protective role of compassion during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Key Takeaways:
- How Dr. Matos defines shame as a powerful, socially-focused emotion
- How shame can impact our sense of self and the life choices we make
- The adaptive function of shame in preventing us from being rejected, excluded or harmed by others
- Why external shame is associated with paranoid ideation while internal shame is associated with social anxiety
- The practical ways shame changes our mental state and damages our well-being
- The distinction between shame and embarrassment
- Dr. Matos’ insight on what makes shame memories a kind of trauma
- Why common experiences of shame become traumatic for some people and not for others
- How experiences of love, acceptance, safety and compassion function as a powerful antidote to shame memories
- How shame disrupts all three of our emotional regulation systems
- The protocol for supporting shame-prone individuals and people with traumatic shame memories
- Dr. Matos and Dr. Gilbert’s work around fears of compassion
- How fears of compassion magnify the impact of a person’s perceived threat of COVID on their psychosocial wellbeing
Connect with Marcela Matos:
- Lab Website: Center for Research in Neuropsychology and Cognitive Behavioral Intervention
- Web Research Network IDs:
- orcid.org/0000-0001-7320-7107
- Scopus Author ID 36170604900
- CiênciaVitae ID 231D-626D-287A
- ResearcherID H-8563-2018
- Research Gate
- Google Scholar
- Contact: marcela.matos@fpce.uc.pt
Resources Mentioned:
- Compassionate Mind Foundation
- Stan Steindl on Noble Mind EP026
- ‘Early Shame and Safeness Memories, and Later Depressive Symptoms and Safe Affect: The Mediating Role of Self-Compassion’ in Current Psychology
- Paul Gilbert on Noble Mind EP025
- ‘Fears of Compassion: Development of Three Self-Report Measures’ in Psychology and Psychotherapy
- ‘Fears of Compassion and Happiness in Relation to Alexithymia, Mindfulness and Self-Criticism’ in Psychology and Psychotherapy
- ‘Fears of Compassion Magnify the Harmful Effects of Threat of COVID-19 on Mental Health and Social Safeness Across 21 Countries’ in Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy
Recent Past Episodes:
Hosts:
Katherine King, PsyD
Katherine King, PsyD is a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of psychology at William James College. She was trained in evidence-based treatments within the Veterans’ Administration and has a private practice specializing in geropsychology. She is also a member of the Boston Shambhala Center Board of Directors, a vajrayana student of Buddhism, and has practiced meditation for over 20 years. Learn more about Kate at www.drkateking.com.
Alex Gokce, MSW
Alex Gokce, MSW has a master’s degree in social work from Salem State University and an undergraduate degree in Comparative Government from Harvard University. He has led psychotherapy groups on topics including mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and mind-body approaches to pain management. He has co-led programs at the Boston Shambhala Center on the topics of trauma and self-compassion. His personal and professional interests center around the individual, societal and intergenerational impacts of trauma, as well as the sociocultural roots of interpersonal harm.
Disclaimer: Please note that the information shared in this podcast is strictly for educational purposes only, and is not intended as psychological treatment or consultation of any kind.
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